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Street Java

I was talking with a friend on TeamChat the other day about his new gig. He was worried because he was working on a Java web project and he was terrified at the prospect of dealing with the cumbersome. You know. Spring.

You know what he means, right?

I admit I'm prone to depression but my mood sinks into despair everytime I come across Spring. In fairness, it's not just Spring's fault. Before Spring there was Struts. Java has some dark magic in it that makes people write AbstractFactoryImplementationFactoryInterfaceMakerFactories.

I've often wondered why that is but it certainly is. Idiomatic Java is full of small adaptor classes with more and more ridiculous names. Clearly what is going wrong is that Java programmers are abstracting too much. But why?

This is not about why.

Anyway, my friend and I proceeded to insult Spring for a bit and curse the ground that Rod Johnson and all his satanic followers walk on.

But then my friend started to come up with alternatives:

him: if I just had some controllers that called managers that did the HTML...

me: well, you could map them directly... but how about just 1 controller?

him: ... and just map the control inside the one class...

me: ... and just use a hashtable to map them...

him: ... or just an 'if'...

me: ... and just use methods instead of other classes...

We went on like this and it became clear that Java could actually be a nice programming language if you looked at it sideways.

Note that. Programming language. Not Assembly Factory Composition DSL

I started thinking about this. This is real programming. It's not hard. In fact, it's a lot easier than reading the 400 pages of Spring documentation to find out how to get started.

Which you have to do every time you use it.

Because it's so boring.

This is different, this is programming. It's intellectually stimulating.

It's also real. Authentic.

It's street, man.

So maybe, Java programmer, next time you write some code, you could think about, you know, solving the problem you're dealing with instead of thinking about all the possible ways you might need to one day abstract this or have an alternative implementation of that. Get aufentic. Write some code.

Of course, this is also your father's Java. Maybe. Unless your father was Rod Johnson. And then you're the spawn of Satan.

Only joking, Rod.